Don’t Be a Butt!

12 Nov

Smoke IN your car dumbass!Look first off I could really care less if you want to run a 70% greater chance of developing cancer from smoking.  I mean I’ll feel bad for you but when I find out you were a smoker I’ll shrug and say “well it wasn’t like they (you) weren’t warned…”  “Still sad though…”  I guess that is just the price for being one of the cool kids.  Hey I used to put lead pellets in my mouth to hold it there to reload my pellet gun a little faster, so I’m no great genius or superior human being for keeping toxins out of my body.  Now with all that said (a disclaimer if you will) here is my point.

I really thought the point to smoking was to get that crap into your lungs, yet ever pretty day when I roll the windows down on my Jeep I first SMELL then SEE some loser with their cigarette hanging out of a window.  I guess the lady that I saw today was cold, because she had the driver’s side window up with only about four inch gap and her hand AND CIGARETTE hanging out of the car.  What is it with you people?  Do you really think it is socially acceptable to do something that other people find disgusting?  Where are the “politically correct” police?  Everyone makes fun of construction workers, plumbers especially, with their butt crack exposed to the world!  Where is the out cry against smokers stinking up the place?   I’ve seen several smokers, on TV trying to stand up for smokers rights.  I laugh at this, of course.  They are pissed off because society is making it more and more difficult on them to do their thing where ever they want to.  I guess it really isn’t fair, depending on when you started smoking of course.

Butt Crack

Butt Crack

It wasn’t too long ago when smoking was common in the work place, I mean at your desk!  I’ve never smoked, directly, but boy I sure did when people lit up in cube-ville, indirectly!  I’ve always hated the smell of cigarette smoke.  The smell got into my hair or my clothes.  As a life long non-smoker I can smell the stink on people that smoke, or people that have been around smokers.  Wait a minute!  Maybe that’s the reason these smokers hang their smelly butts out of the car windows.  They don’t want to stink!  That must be it!  Yes, I am a genius!  So instead of not smoking, or smoking with the windows rolled up they try to get that nasty smelling smoke out of their car so they won’t smell bad.  Maybe it’s because they don’t want it to burn their eyes.  I really don’t know.  If you are a smoker tell me please.

I keep thinking about this and I just need to do it.  I think it would be pretty simple to rig up a reservoir under the hood of my Jeep.  Fill it with Butyric acid, the chemical that smells like rancid butter, Parmesan cheese, vomit, and body odor.  Connect a windshield wiper pump to the reservoir and then route the tube out the side of the vehicle.  I’d need to come up with a nozzle that would atomize the chemical so it would be a fine mist.  Wire all this up to a switch inside my vehicle and the next time I run across some insensitive ass that things stinking up my environment should be socially acceptable, I’ll just roll up my windows and start hitting the VOMIT button!

Now you may think that I’m not very politically correct, or socially acceptable myself.  Of course I’m not socially acceptable, or politically correct!  I’m a man that is a Texan!  Actually I’m quite proud that I’m not socially acceptable or very politically correct.  Politically correct is just another way of saying LIAR in my mind.  Of course I do have that pin shaped head! 😉  So if you are a smoker enjoy that smoke, really I mean it.  I like my greasy hamburger and oh my God I love bacon.  I don’t want the government telling me I can’t enjoy those things.  But do me a favor, think about what you are doing and that people around you may be too nice, or timid to tell you that you stink and they would like you to stop.  If you are around me very long I will say something to you.  Smoking in public isn’t socially acceptable.  If you ask people “do you mind if I smoke” most people will say “NO” but who in their right mind would want to smell that stuff.  A great philosopher once said about people saying “Do you mind if I smoke?” “No do you mind if I fart?!?!?!”  -Steve Martin.   If you must smoke in the privacy of your house or car, then I say go for it.  But keep the windows closed.



Oh and if you live in an apartment, really don’t smoke in it.  That used to really piss me off, smelling that stink in my apartment.  Yes that was with the windows up and A/C on.  “No fair!”, you say?  “That’s my private residence and my right to enjoy myself!”  “Not so!”, I say.  Think back to my example of  spraying the chemical that smells like vomit.  So, pardon the pun, suck it up and do what you know you need to do anyway.  Stop smoking in public.  If you must, sad addict that you are, roll up your windows and keep the smell with you.  Next time a smoker offends you with his/her smelly butt.  Yell at them and say “Hey BUTTHEAD roll up your window!”

Hey while I’m on the rant.  You people stop blocking the aisle with your basket.  When you are going to make a turn in the median treat it like you would a road and get on the RIGHT hand side of the median, not LEFT, not MIDDLE.  Oh and everyone is just as important and in a hurry as you are Mr./Mrs. BWM owner.  Get in line and wait like everyone else.  If you MUST talk on your cell phone in traffic GET OUT OF THE FAST LANE YOU IDIOT!

There, I feel better. 😀

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